Tag Archive | anger

Count to Ten

It turns out that counting to ten before responding in anger, or any emotion, has scientific validity.

The Amygdala part of the brain, is the integrative center for emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation. It reacts to triggers before the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex part of the brain, responsible for reasoning, kicks in, which may take 10 seconds. Therefore, counting to ten  gives you time to respond rather than react to a stimulus.

Robert Plutchik created the wheel of emotions in order to illustrate the various relationships among the emotions.


The intensity of emotion decreases as you move outward and increases as you move toward the wheel’s center. The intensity of the emotion is indicated by the color. The darker the shade, the more intense the emotion, therefore, anger at its least level of intensity is annoyance, but at its highest, anger becomes rage.

Be slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19, 20),  Reckless words pierce, but the tongue of the wise heals.  (Proverbs 12:18)

The next time you are tempted to hurl sticks and stones, count to ten–save your blood pressure, a friendship and possibly a marriage.

Plutchik Wheel of Emotions

Anger: friend or foe?








Most people express anger in one of five ways.

  1. The avoider.
  2. The passive-agressive.
  3. The exploder.
  4. The retaliator.
  5. The high-seeker.

The avoider buries anger. They insist that it takes a lot for them to get angry and that it is better not to get mad, but eventually they explode at the smallest infraction because anger builds.

Passive-aggressives don’t get mad–they get even without ever showing that they are or were angry. They may withhold whatever the other person wants, use the silent treatment or become stubborn and difficult.

The exploder blows his top, rages at everyone in sight then forgets about it and wonders why people are upset with him.

The retaliator deliberately plans when they will become anger. The use anger as a weapon to get what they want. They use it to control, manipulate, threaten and overpower others.

The high-seeker is addicted to the strong feelings that come with anger. They pick fights to get a high–it gives them a rush and a sense of power.

What is anger?

  • Anger is an emotional response to personal violations–when we don’t get what we want, or when our expectations are not met, etc.
  • Not all anger is bad.
  • We should be stirred to anger when we see injustices.
  • Unresolved anger raises blood pressure and other health issues.

God’s Way to deal with anger:

  • Don’t let the sun go down on your anger
  • Pray about your anger. Ask God for clarity as to the root cause to deal with that issue.
  • Communicate. Talk things through when everyone’s emotions have calmed down.
  • Ask God for healing of unresolved, stored anger from past wounds to experience love, joy and peace.

Do we use Anger or Love to get what want?


This is what anger does to the child in each of us.

Most people handle anger in one of five ways.

  1. Some try to  bury their anger. They may avoid they person they are angry with to avoid confrontation.
  2. Some are passive-aggressive. They don’t get mad, they get even. They may use the silent treatment, stubbornness or withhold what the other person wants or needs to get even. They never directly face their anger or let others know why they are angry.
  3. Some use anger to get what they want by threatening or overpowering others.
  4. Some are explosive. When they are upset, everyone knows it. They fly off the handle, blow off steam, then it’s over–for them. Everyone else around them becomes upset as a result.
  5. Some purposely pick fights because they are addicted to the power surge and anger high they get from being angry and throwing a tantrum.

Isn’t it better to act in positive, loving ways rather than react?

We can deal with anger in healthy ways by:

  • speaking our truth with love
  • treating each other with respect
  • not stuffing anger
  • taking time to understand why we became angry in the first place
  • don’t try to resolve issues while still angry

Watch for the things that trigger our anger

  • being offended
  • not getting what we want
  • someone did not meet our expectations

We have options.

We can:

  1. demand your rights
  2. seek first to understand the situation completely from both sides
  3. take time to discuss the issues before jumping to conclusions

Which will you choose?